We all want to be accepted. It can be hard to make peace with our shadows. So we try to push our ugly bits down. Sometimes we can pretend, even to ourselves, that they don’t exist.
But shadows don’t just go away
Ignoring our shadows do not make them go away. Sure, they may go underground for a bit. But they always return in some form at some time. Sometimes they lurk just barely below the surface waiting for the opportunity to come out. Some of our shadows have been so “successfully” banished that they disguise themselves in very different forms – unrecognizable to us. So then, what do we do?
Make peace with your shadows
It’s important to recognize what exists, no matter how we feel about it. Does hating the rain make it go away? Does fearing disease eradicate it from our lives? Does dirt magically disappear without cleaning?
If we don’t recognize what exists – we cannot deal with what exists. We cannot take action. We cannot prepare ourselves. We cannot make peace with ourselves.
Honor your shadows
Have you ever considered that your shadows might actually have something important to say? Have you ever considered that your shadows might actually have something positive to bring to the party? How would you know what it has to offer if you have spent all of your energy trying to avoid it, ignore it or banish it?
Okay, so what if I do admit that my shadows have some power in my life? What if I do actually admit that they have gotten my attention? How exactly do I interact with them? If I invite them in voluntarily, will they take over my life? Will they cause me more harm?
Shadows are alive and well in the Arts
Have you ever noticed how we appreciate shadows when they are expressed through the arts? Don’t we just love those dark characters we see in the movies? Aren’t we brought to howling laughter when we listen to the rantings of a good comic? Haven’t we all been moved by heart wrenching vulnerability expressed through music? Haven’t we actually found our lives elevated from such experiences? Aren’t we actually touched by elements that we find so familiar to us? Don’t we often find we are in the presence of “truth” itself?
Give audience to your shadows
Perhaps the enemy we know is better than the enemy we don’t. Perhaps a form of contained dialogue is the answer. Perhaps there are venues for powerful entities to express themselves without doing any harm.
For example, we create safe containment structures for housing fires. When we do so, we quite enjoy and benefit from the power and the glory of this fiery presence. Instead of being burned alive, we receive warmth or the means for safe food preparation.
Give voice to your shadows
We can journal our darkest thoughts and our greatest fears. We can write with abandon within the privacy of our own audience. No one is hurt for this act. We can get our thoughts and feelings out and sorted. We can have a conversation with our shadows. We can listen with respect and engage in a dialogue for our well-being. We can write poetry or create songs.
We can listen to stormy music. We can vocalize with words or through growls, moans, sobbing or mad hysterical laughter. We can collaborate with others to create music together. We can normalize our emotions and experience community while expressing our angst, our yearnings, our desires and our passions.
We can use our hands and feet. We can draw. We can use powerful fiery colors. We can create and wear scary masks. We can create sculpture or woodwork or even clear a stumpy, weedy hill in preparation for a garden. We can dance. We can pound the ground with our feet and shout to the sky.
In other words, Don’t fear the shadow. It is a part of us .
And remember, There is no light without shadow.
Lisa T Perry, MEd, LPC, CCMHC, VMT-R is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Registered Voice Movement Therapy Practitioner practicing in Asheville. She would love to help you make peace with your shadows.